Pregnant in year two turned my life around.
Am happy that life taught me what it means to live
I was born and raised in a Christian family. I knew life as prayer, meditation and being moral because that is what my mother taught me.my father was away most of the time; let’s say an absent-father. So i grew knowing my destiny was set and very clear, I went to primary then high school. That’s the time I discovered i had feelings, i had a fire in me that needed to be quenched.so i did what i had been taught, i prayed i fasted, and i thought that settled. You see i had not been told about this and for that reason was not sure what was going on with me because my mother brought me up in a Godly way meaning we did not have sex feelings or emotions .Long story short i knew how to pray but not how to handle love and feelings of lust as well. When i was in form three i met this guy during a school outing and i fell for him entirely, i knew he liked me as well. We did not keep in touch so i almost gave up on him until one day i woke up and saw him at the admissions. Fate had brought him to me i told myself. The Goosebumps, the butterflies in my stomach grew. I can’t really explain the feeling.so we had the time of our life and before long we were done with school. One year then a few months he took me to see his parents, a perfect family. This time I knew his siblings and his parents and they were just adorable. I could actually visualize our wedding, the children we would have and our happily ever after. Through campus we knew we were meant for each other or at least i knew that.
>The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart
I cried, i prayed i waited and he became my man again. I was worried and doubtful but he gave me enough reasons to believe.so i relaxed, i became complaisant and careless in love because i knew he had my back. Through to our third year in campus i would think of our wedding day, i still visualized our babies. Then one time he came home with a lady one night, said she was a friend. That was the night i had made his favorite meal, the night I was going to tell him i was pregnant. I did not know how he would react but i never expected him to bring a woman home.So we had our meal and he saw the lady off for a whole hour. I was angry, i felt betrayed because they were flirting right before my eyes. The pains of that made me want to pack and leave. But i was pregnant and i thought he deserved to know i thought it would change his weird behaviors, but i was wrong. Since I was in fear I decided to tell him the following day. He took it positively that was a relief. So we lived through the pregnancy first month, second and it’s this second month that my guy just woke up and told me to up and leave.I had not cheated ,i did not offend him even though he was cheating. I did not have a choice i packed and went to my mom’s. My father was an absentee.
>My experience and the challenges I have faced
So i knew it would take long before he found out. Here i was six months gone but my mother was only willing to keep me for a month, of course after cursing me and calling me names. She was really disappointed that i had backslidden that i failed her God and mine too. So after a month i left to live in a mabati house within Nairobi’s environs. It was rough really rough i bought poison i prepared a rope to hang myself but i lived through it from a third year student to a selling Sukuma wiki on the streets. I promised myself to do all odds for my unborn baby with or without the father. So my life, no actually my different life begun, heavily pregnant and totally struggling; struggling to sleep, to wake up, to live, to eat and to do anything. But through the struggle i managed to save some money for my baby and when the time was due I was put to bed. But then that was another problem because before long the savings would be out and i would need to find a means of lively whether i was strong enough or not.So i figured i would just look for any job to earn me some money. I walked the streets if Nairobi with my son when he was just an infant, we were hungry at times, tired but every time i looked at him i would get enough motivation to last me through the hardships. To cut a long story short, I managed to get a place that was paying me KSH 10k a month. With that i had to make sure i had a baby sitter, pay my rent and ensure my son had eaten. There are nights i went hungry, and cried myself to sleep.
>Understanding what you need
Many are times i felt awful every time i would think of his father. He went on with life like the two of us never existed. He did not check on his son. Being so bitter with him i decided to stalk every girl he tried to date. I wanted him to suffer, i wanted him to pay but then i realized i was just hurting myself more. So i made the hardest decision ever; i gave up on him, gave up on our love and focused on my son. Having pleaded for him to take me back but he did not want so this time i decided to let go of him.
Today my son is 2yrs old and my greatest joy. I have not been able to gather school fees to go back to school but i know nothing will stop me.I may not be happy about his father but i can’t change the past. I may cry this days but not of bitterness rather because of where God has brought me from. If you think living is difficult trying dying; it’s harder’s am a proud young mother who stopped beating herself and chose happiness.